Intimacy in a Relationship – Why Good Sex Necessarily Doesn’t Spell Love
OK so it’s happened. You met a guy you’re mad about, and decided to bite the bullet and have sex.
The sex was mind-blowing, you both had a fabulous time, and now you’re even crazier about him than before!
In your mind you’ve just reached a milestone in your relationship and you can’t wait to see where it’s going next. Your emotions are all tangled up over him, and you feel like you’re now closer than ever.
A bit of time passes, and you begin to feel like your warm and fuzzies aren’t being reciprocated in quite the manner you expected, considering you’ve now been intimate together.
Stop right there, because that’s where lies an a common relationship issue.
How Sex Can Change a Relationship…
This may sting a bit but you need to know and understand this.
Men and women are two different animals that tend to view sex in entirely different ways. The hard truth is that just because your feelings for a man deepen with sex it doesn’t mean that his do as well.
In fact men have a very frustrating (depending on your point of view of course) ability to completely separate sex from emotion, and women all over the world are left feeling a little bereft after getting naked, wondering why he doesn’t seem to feel as emotionally connected as they now do.
How Women View Sex:
Typically, a woman will see sex as a physical expression of their feelings for someone. It’s often a romantic undertaking, surrounded by the social expectations that for women, sex should be with “someone they love”.
So it’s very easy for a woman to tie the two together and view having sex as something she is doing “because she’s in love”.
By association she pretty much believes that if she is having sex because she loves a man, he must be having sex with her because he loves her back… completely forgetting that men are just not wired in the same way that women are.
How Men View Sex:
Usually, men are perfectly capable of sharing casual sex with a woman, and in being 100% OK that casual is all that it is. They don’t have to love someone to have sex with them. In fact some men don’t even have to like a woman to have sex with her.
Sex can be seen by men as strictly a recreational act, a physical way to have fun and enjoy the time he’s spending with a woman. Love simply isn’t a requirement for that to happen, even if the sex itself is crazy good.
Intimacy in a Relationship – A Right Time For Sex?
Men often feel physical attraction before there’s ever any sort of emotional attraction or connection. And if a guy Because of how men view sex, The sad truth is that,sex too soon in a relationship can potentially get in the way of establishing an emotional bond.
However withholding sex because of personal rules or because you’ve heard “playing hard” to get is how to win a guy can also hinder the development of a true relationship. Some men than think about sex as a game and you have become a prize to be won.
Obviously that’s not your goal either.
That’s why we go over this in Girl Gets Ring (and actually go against conventional advice), because choosing the right time to have sex with a man is an important part of the dating process. Especially when you’re attempting build a long-term relationship with a guy!
The most vital piece of the puzzle is to remember that men, deep down in their gut, want to be wanted for their true selves. So there is never really a right or a wrong time to have sex in a relationship, there’s only a right and wrong time for you.
If there is genuine emotion and true attraction there and you’re both ready to step it up, go with your gut and make the jump. In a nutshell, having sex for the first time in a relationship all boils down to honesty and genuineness… And every couple is different.
OK. But, why doesn’t he have warm and fuzzy feelings too?
Sex From a Man’s Perspective:
Women can often mistakenly assume that sex means an emotional bond is already there, or even worse that sex will create that bond.
When all is said and done though, unless that bond was already established because you both invested the time in each other to nurture it… one sexual encounter doesn’t make that bond magically appear.
If that emotional connection is missing, then to a guy good sex is just that and he is always more than happy to engage in it when it is offered.
He may even have a great time and want to do it again… but it doesn’t mean he wll be mentally picking out rings for the two of you and convincing himself you’re “the one”.
Ultimately one of the most important questions you need to ask yourself before ever having sex with a man is this…
Can you handle it if things just don’t work out like you hoped?
Sometimes with men good sex is just good sex.
And you might have to be OK with that.
Thoughts? Have you ever been a similar situation? I’d love to hear your story in the comments below.